Opportunities Gained & Lost

I'd like to start out by saying this post is pretty personal, but what happened to me was so great & important that I wanted to share.

A few nights ago I got an email from my friend. She said a photographer was going to post professional photos of she & her husband in Facebook. She explained that the photographer was one of her clients & was trying to build her portfolio. The photos were free & that under any other circumstances, I was her gal. I told her the only thing I would think is that it was awesome I'd get to see beautiful photos of them. Furthermore, I couldn't wait to see them because maybe there would be good ideas for me for an upcoming couple's portrait session. It touched my heart in an indescribable way that my friend took the time to write me a note because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. This little email exchange reminded me of an "Aha" moment I had a few months ago.

At the beginning of the year I had hoped to photograph an event for somebody & was absolutely devastated when I found out I was not chosen to be the photographer. I went from anger (The injustice!), to devastation (The rejection!), to worry (Why am I not good enough?), then to sadness. Then one day when I was sitting outside, I thought of something.

God wanted me to know that it simply wasn't my turn. For whatever reason, it was the other photographer's turn. I began thinking. Maybe she needed the extra money for a child, maybe for her bills, maybe... you get the idea. From that point on, my perspective completely changed on the situation & I didn't feel angry anymore. I realized that yes, God has a plan for me, but he also has a plan for EVERYBODY. Sometimes it'll be my turn, & of course I always pray for that outcome (LOL), but I'm not going to fret when it's not. Furthermore, this revelation made me feel so free!

I feel like I am more confident to pursue opportunities because I understand that sometimes I'll get them & sometimes I won't. The important thing is I realize it's not because of ME per se, but it's because that's the way God wants it. Though I still practice like crazy with my camera almost everyday to help my prayers along so people will want me to photograph them, I am more at peace.

I know this is pretty out there, but I truly am happier feeling this way.

So, go out there & live your dreams!!!! Don't be afraid of failing or being told, "No." In a book Bronwen has, there's a little paragraph where it describes God answering your prayers is like a stop light. Sometimes the answer is yes (green light), sometimes it's a no (red light) & sometimes it's maybe (yellow light).

My Birthday

Conrad was saying that instead of just getting a special day, I was getting a birthday weekend! Of course we didn't plan on it starting with Cate throwing up all over me, herself & our bathroom tile & with Bronwen getting a fever. The flu reared its ugly head for the third time this year on Saturday!

Not to be deterred, we dosed the girls with tylenol & headed out to the mall on Sunday. Conrad bought me a gorgeous purse & wallet & the girls got stuffed animals at Build-a-Bear. On Monday (my actual birthday), our vacuum broke, so we headed off to Target to exchange it for a new one (it was only 2.5 months old). As soon as we got home, Conrad started to BAKE. He made this ~

This is the best cake I've ever had in my life. I. Love. My. Husband.

Getting Older

For the last two weeks I'd been very aware of my upcoming birthday. I was reminded each time I hopped on the treadmill & was prompted to type in my age. "Only 2 more weeks to type in 31." "Only 1 more week to type in 31." "My birthday is tomorrow, I my as well type in 32. Scratch that, I'm still 31..." You know what though, I was ready. I have been the happiest in my 30's & am content with getting older. I look at my three girls, my husband of almost 10 years, the calm in my life...it is nice to move forward with a foundation behind me. It seems like people get so freaked out about getting older, focusing on the physical changes, worrying about the goals or milestones they haven't reached, that they forget about the blessing it is to be alive.

Before the weekend, one of Conrad's coworkers, who had just finished aggressive treatment for Stage 4 thyroid cancer, went in for her check-up & found out everything is back. Her last day was on Friday & she is going to move back to Hawaii to spend the rest of her time there with her family [Upon learning of her situation T-mobile has allowed her to stay on the books so she may still receive her salary & benefits.] She is only 47. It is a blessing to get older.